Can't I?

The other day I was stuck in rush hour traffic when I saw a personalized plate that read “CANTI.” I immediately processed it as “Can’t I?” I’m not sure if that was the motorist's intention, but that's definitely what registered with me. 

The license plate was particularly significant to me because  our daughter has been saying “I can’t” lately when it comes to her daily routine. I’m quick to correct her by saying “Yes you can” or “Don’t say can’t. You can.” My logic may be lost upon her, as she is only two, but it’s important for me to start shaping her thinking now. When she is older, I hope that “I can’t” does not prevent her from chasing something that is part of what God has created just for her. 

That license plate left a lasting reminder that sometimes you have to be courageous enough to say “Can’t I?” when so many voices are saying “You can’t.”

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The Dormant Season

“It’s cold, mommy!” My daughter uttered these words after I pulled her bundled body from the car seat. “It is cold, baby!” I ensured that only her eyes were exposed, held her close and dashed into the house. In the last six weeks, this scenario has played out day after day. I’m used to it now, having experienced the snowiest winter on record in Metro Detroit in 36 years, as well as the coldest I ever remember. Like many Michiganders, I’m so over it. I’m tired of aching knees, icy streets, mounds of snow and bitter temps.

This weather hasn’t made it easy to move forward with some things I committed to in the last few months. For instance, this winter my inner voice has often said, “Let’s go to the gym.” My combative inner child has responded by thrashing around on the floor and yelling “Noooo, it’s too cold!” or “I want cake!” Let’s just say that I’m looking for a muzzle to fit my inner child. Then there are household tasks--like having both a clean office and a clean bedroom at the same time (#fail). And of course, there are these writing goals. I’ve done a decent job of working on my new novel, but when it comes to consistency in blogging and social media, I kind of suck. I think it’s because so many ideas are floating around in my brain that I entertain many and commit to few. Consequently, I feel like I’m in a dormant season.

My own revelation of dormancy reminds me of the cycle of seasons. In winter, nature goes into a waiting state. Vegetation that was plush and colorful a few months ago is now barren and frozen in time. I realize that my absence from this blog and sporadic resurfacing on social media have probably given the appearance that I, too, am suspended from life, but I ask you to note my use of the term “appearance.”


You see, when something provides an appearance, the visual may not reflect the reality. Yesterday I watched snow flurries dance outside the window and saw a tree in our yard that had the appearance of death. Since we’ve been in our home, beautiful red berries, resembling tiny maraschino cherries, blossom on that tree. Today that tree looks absent of life, but I know there’s something going on in the inside that proves it’s alive. An energy moves through that tree’s roots, trunk, branches and bark that will manifest in spring. It is preparing for a season of harvest.

This understanding encourages me this winter. Though I might appear to be dormant, please know that something is alive on the inside. Yes, this has been a time of rest, but I am preparing for a harvest of my own. Spring is right around the corner.




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Shellie

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Confessions of a Good Writer With a Sucky System

I confess:  Despite my love for fiction, I end up reading more nonfiction in a year than fiction. Often times I read books about writing, marketing and the like. Last week I finished “Your First 1000 Copies” by Tim Grahl. I wasn’t sure what to expect beyond tips on developing an e-mail distribution list and the power of marketing. I found that the book is filled with useful information on growing your platform, building your audience and understanding how to connect with your fans. So it’s funny that the thing that resonated was actually a statement about process.

 

Grahl noted that creating newsletters, blog posts, social media, guest articles and the like can be a daunting task. I nodded my head in agreement, pointing to my personal struggles with keeping my own outreach methods going on a continuous basis. Grahl went on to discuss the fact that some writers have a flawed system of execution that prevents them from producing results, or at least producing them with ease. Then, he did it. With these words, he pounced on each of my little piggies as they hid in the darkened toe box of my metallic patent leather pumps:

 

“Unfortunately, some writers do fall victim to this idea due to poor execution. Such writers often come from a journalism, academic or other traditional writing background. To them, their system involves identifying something to write (via an article assignment, book deal, etc.) and then putting their head down to research and write it. That approach is terribly inefficient and, frankly, boring because it’s very isolating and lonely.”

 

Ouch! This little piggy cried wee, wee, wee, wee alllll the way home. Okay, I didn’t really cry, but it was a wake-up call.  I realized that I am that writer—the one with the journalistic and traditional writing background; the one with degrees in Print Journalism and Technical Communication; the one who worked as a technical writer for seven years; the one with experience in corporate writing; the one who has written freelance biographies, articles and more. I’ve been programmed to plan, research, write and edit. When it comes to anything but fiction, I often find myself mulling over the details so much that by the time I finish brainstorming, it’s midnight, I’ve written nothing and I have to go to work the next morning. Either that or I end up writing a dissertation that takes four hours to write and is too long for people to actually read.

 

Point taken, Mr. Grahl. Thanks for being that fire under my bum. Excuse me while I review my highlights in “Your First 1000 Copies.”

 

In Search of a New System….

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Shellie

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985 Days

I’ve waited for today for a considerably long time—nearly three years, 985 days to be exact. My anticipation was heightened because this day was actually supposed to come 15 months ago. For each of those 985 days I had one thing on my mind—the finish line. Each month I made a short trek to a familiar office where I got adjustments that put me just a little bit closer to this day. Between visits, I dealt with discomfort that eventually eased as the process continued but inevitably returned when I went for adjustments.

 

For the last year, I’ve gotten my hopes up numerous times, looking for an end date. Last month, I finally got that date—September 12—and I’ve been pretty compliant with my end of the bargain. I’ve followed doctor’s orders and counted down the days. After a setback about a week ago, I was nervous that my end date might get pushed back. I envisioned myself getting bad news at my appointment and jumping on a table yelling, “Just hand me the pliers!”

 

I was so over:

·         metal and ceramic

·         speaking with an occasional lisp

·         biting my cheek

·         flossing with threaders

·         wires that poked

·         sores

·         rubber bands

·         THESE BLASTED BRACES

 

Thank God (and yes I prayed about it) that I finally got my day of freedom.  

 

I’d like you to know that I’m sharing this not just to go on a dramatic rant, but to share what I’ve learned through this experience. Having braces as an adult has taught me:

 

·         The importance of patience

·         To remember that there are many things outside of my control

·         Moving in the right direction often hurts

·         Things don’t always go as you expect them to

·         If you stay on track, you will see the beauty that results from your effort

 

So whatever you are waiting on, hang in there, folks. If you stick to your plan, the end date will come—even if your plan changes.
 

Mama’s signing off and she will enjoy the opportunity to eat a whole apple (no slices) this weekend!

 

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Shellie

 

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Circumstances, Excuses and Sheer Laziness

I’ve been away from my blog for a while—about seven weeks if you’re counting. That’s like an aeon in Blog Land. Clearly, I’m standing at the crossroads of “What the heck are you waiting for?” and “Just pack it up and go home.”

 

So how did I get here? Well, it started with the proliferation of a number of circumstances. First, there was nurturing the little one’s virus that kept her up late and required medication every four hours. Then there was preparation for my first book signing in August, for which I traded writing time for planning time (check out the pictures here). Next, I had to handle a couple of projects for my daytime job that crept into my evening and early-morning hours. Add to that my daughter’s obliterated bedtime, which we’ve struggled to regain ever since she got sick, and well… I looked up and it was September. But there were some good circumstances at hand, too. For instance, I took time to share some treasured moments with my family before our beautiful Michigan weather changes and limits the outdoor activities we’ve come to enjoy over the last few months.

 

Now that September has ushered in a reminder of getting back to business, I have spent the last few days trying to get my head around my writing affairs. Despite the fact that I’ve got a two-page document on blog topic ideas, I’ve struggled with not only what to write, but also how to get back into things and how to commit the time. It became easier to put writing on the shelf so I would not have to think about it.

 

The process of regaining focus reminds me of how easy it is to look up one day and realize that your dream has slipped out of your grip. If you’ve been following this blog, you know I’m passionate about breathing life into dreams. You’ll also probably realize that when I downloaded “Joyce Meyer:  Promises for Your Everyday Life--a Daily Devotional” and found that one of the first devotionals was on jump starting your dream, I knew it was a divine reminder to get back on track.

 

As part of that devotional, Joyce (I’m taking the liberty of calling her by her first name because in my imagination, I know her personally) noted two requirements for jump starting your dreams:

1.       Have a clear vision.

2.       Keep your vision in front of you at all times.

This hit home because for the last few weeks, I’ve been struggling with both tasks. First, I was asking myself what was the next step for my vision? Would I plan another book signing, focus on book clubs, do more blog tours or write new material? I truly didn’t know. Second, I had pushed my vision out of my direct line of sight and into my peripheral vision. I knew it was there. I could see it, but I wasn’t focusing on it.

How did this happen? The answer is simple. I allowed circumstances to take the driver’s seat and excuses and sheer laziness were riding shotgun! There they were—the three of them shouting about how much I had to do, how tired I was, how nothing had inspired me and how there just wasn’t enough time to do things in the way I wanted them to be done. Well, it’s time to regroup and refuel. I’m putting circumstances in the back seat and kicking excuses and sheer laziness out of the car. I’m taking control of the wheel and encouraging you to do the same for your dream. I’ll be keeping you posted about this mission, too.

In the meantime, if you need a reminder for how to stay in the driver’s seat, feel free to borrow mine. It’s not actually mine; I got it from my dear friend (in my head) Joyce, who wrote something profound in the devotional I told you about. As part of prayer to Jesus, she wrote, “I chose to trust You to help me live the dream You’ve given me more than I trust my circumstances.”

Did someone just say Amen?

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Shellie

 

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When the Plan Plummets

There is a lesson that I’m supposed to be learning right now. How do I know? Well, the last 10 days have hit me over the head with reminders that I’m not in control, nor is any man. No matter how much planning I do, there is always the possibility that my expected result won’t come to pass.

 

The first reminder came on the fourth of July. I was excited that my first radio interview was scheduled to air that day. It was my day off, as well as a day off for nearly everyone knew. I wanted people to listen in, so I scheduled social media updates, plugged the interview in my subscriber newsletter and made sure family and friends knew how to tune in. Even the gracious host who interviewed me spent days plugging the interview on social media.

 

As the hour neared, everything was in order. I got my daughter down for her nap and waited with my husband for those last few minutes. When the theme music played, I prepared for the moment of truth. Thoughts ran through my mind.

 

·         Did I say “umm”?

·         I hope I wasn’t breathing too hard into the headset.

·         Did my answers make sense?

·         Would it be hard to listen to my own voice for 30 minutes?

 

But there was one question I did not ask: What if they accidentally air the wrong interview?

 

That question did not cross my mind, but it’s the one question that could have prepared me, because that’s exactly what happened. Initially, I was mortified. After about two minutes it was clear that the wrong interview was going to air for duration of the segment.

 

Eventually—hours later—I saw the humor in it. It was totally beyond my control and the host’s control. I haven’t been in the radio world since I was a deejay at my high school radio station, but I do know that human error occurs. It was just a mistake.

 

The host and the radio station were extremely apologetic and went above and beyond anything I could have expected in a situation like this. They not only aired it later that day, but they also aired it four times over the course of a week. That meant even more exposure and more opportunity to reach people with information they were looking for. What a blessing!

 

Maybe I’m getting a lesson in perseverance. Maybe I’m getting a lesson in flexibility. Maybe it’s not about me at all. There could have been someone out there who couldn’t listen at the original time, but needed to hear our discussion on self-publishing. My hope is that someone heard it and it was motivation for her own dream.  I don’t know the true reason for this lesson and the other lessons I’ve experienced lately, but I do know I’m being prepared for this exciting and somewhat daunting path I’ve chosen.

 

So I will keep pressing forward and will do so with flexibility. For now, I etch this in my memory: “Write your goals in concrete and your plans in sand.” –Anonymous

 

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Shellie

 

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Fear Factor Part 4: Faith Over Fear

I have come to the last entry in my series on fear, and this exercise has been a great blessing to me. I’ve been able to rethink my own ideology and habits, and I’ve received feedback that these posts have helped others. Thanks for the encouragement to keep things going. Without further ado, let’s get into the topic of placing your faith above your fear.

First, let’s define faith. You may know it as a belief in something for which there is no proof, a commitment to God’s teaching or a strong belief in something or someone. I like to define it as the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. Yes, I took that straight from the Bible (Hebrews 11:1). For me, this definition has exemplified the process of believing in something even when everything else says, “There’s no way that can happen.”

I used to believe I had strong faith until it was truly, and I mean truly, tested. I’m talking about the kind of test that has you praying on your knees day in and day out, crying ‘til there are no more tears, angry in your waiting, wanting with all of your being to get it right and seeing nothing but what’s wrong. I’m also talking about that point when all that’s left is your weary, battered and humbled self. When you’ve been tested like that and you can still hear that voice that tells you to keep going, then you’ve truly experienced faith.

I challenge you to tap into that faith and place it above fear. Hold onto that pole during the storm and say, “I won’t let go!” Remember what you’re working toward and stop looking back—your fear is there and it’s waiting for your return, but your faith is right next to you. Your faith wants to wrap its arms around you and take you to the next step where hope is waiting. So keep walking.

Shellie

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Fear Factor Part 3: Regaining Focus

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I wrote this scripture on the board of my daughter’s hospital room a year-and-a-half ago. Day after day, it reminded me of God’s promises. There was a purpose for her life—a blueprint, if you will—that went far beyond what my husband and I could see or imagine. It told me that our micropreemie—weighing less than two pounds—would not only be fine, she would also have a phenomenal story to tell and a long life. I believed that deep in my heart.

For 93 days I read that scripture, recited it aloud and meditated on it. The experience was overwhelming and brought with it complicated machines, regular testing, surgeries, setbacks followed by victories and victories followed by setbacks.  Sometimes leaning on the scripture I mentioned became completely arduous. Our daughter’s time in the hospital became a testimony for what God can do even when circumstances seem bigger than life. Today she is healthy and shows no signs of her difficult beginnings, but there were moments of weakness and weariness in our circumstances that caused us to lose focus on what we believed in.

It is those “moments” that I’d like to explore briefly. At some point in your life, you have probably experienced some sort of distraction that interfered with a goal. Some distractions are unavoidable situations of life. Others are meant for your personal growth …if only you don’t get stuck. It’s easy to get stuck in any number of circumstances. For example you can get:

·         Stuck in not having the money

·         Stuck in not having the time

·         Stuck in not having the courage

·         Stuck in not having the resources

·         Stuck in not having the support

But if there were the chance that you’d get out of that rut that’s trapping you from moving forward, would you? Would you be willing to commit to the focus you lacked or gave up? Would you be willing to believe in a higher plan for your prosperity, hope and future? If your answer is yes to any of these questions, then congratulations! You’ve made the first step toward discovering (or rediscovering) your focus.

So what’s my advice? Well, think of this commitment to focus as a road trip. Know your starting point and your end point. Know when it’s time to gas up and eat. Know what you need to take with you and who should be riding shotgun. Decide where you will stop along the way and set a time for getting back on the road. And oh yeah, don’t spend time looking in the rear view mirror. You can’t make the trip if you’re constantly looking at what you left so long ago.

 

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Fear Factor Part 2: Failing Up

I had an epiphany. I realized that we are brought up to fear failure. In part, I believe that our perceptions of failure are shaped in the same place we learn reading, writing and arithmetic. Schools help establish our learning patterns and set a standard for achievement that we carry with us well into adulthood, far beyond our academic days.

Consider the five-point grading scale that is used by most of America’s schools. It may vary from location to location but is nearly identical to this model:

A=Excellent

B=Good
C=Average
D=Poor
F=Failing

The range varies by school and school system, but an A (including A plus and A minus) may be awarded for performance that is ranked between 90 and 100 percent. Grades B, C and D also have their ranges. When you think about it, only one grade provides no variation in the degree of achievement. When an F is earned, there is no range and no need for debate—you’ve failed and you know it.

The F—the granddaddy of bad grades—was like the bogeyman when I was growing up. I heard other kids talk about it, and I even knew the boy who was rumored to earn it regularly, but I never saw it for myself. I wanted desperately to ensure that I never did see it. Like a comic book villain, the F lurks in classroom hallways, dripping beads of scarlet sweat, carrying the stench of permanent marker and waiting to be unfurled on its next victim. Though it is not called in to work as much as its more noteworthy colleagues like the grades A and B and even the mediocre C, the F is more intimidating than its associates and always carries the shock factor. With each appearance, it shows up to rob children of their self-confidence, shame them for their lack of preparation and shout that they’re dumb.

This grading scale reinforces the notion that failure is the polar opposite of success. When we grow up, we carry our sensitivity about the scale into our jobs. We are outraged when our boss completes a performance review and includes a ranking that we are certain does not align with our performance. We rate everything from looks, to books to movies. So what happens when we set a goal and don’t get the result we hope for? We think about those rating scales and are stung all over again with the stigma carried from our school days.

What would happen if we started to think of failure not as the opposite of success but as the result of not trying? What if failure were not final but merely a step on the road to achievement? This way of thinking is new to me, although Thomas Edison understood it years ago. He said, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” What a concept! To find 10,000 ways that do not work to uncover one or two that do—and to experience each failure as a step toward success. How many of us have a fraction of that drive when it comes to our dreams?

If you are not where you want to be in a particular area of learning or achievement, why not start to set some clear goals and objectives? When I decided that there were several scenes of my book that could be improved, I took an online writing class and committed to making those scenes more engaging. It was a small step that made a big difference in the final product.  

If you feel that something bigger than you is trapped inside of you, I encourage you to rethink failure. Prepare for 10,000 ways. Who knows? Even if you end up with a different outcome than the one you hoped for, your path may lead you to something you'd never imagined you could achieve! 

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Fear Factor Part 1: The Fear of Failure

My last post focused on not allowing fear to trap your dreams. Today I’m exploring one of the biggest fears people face—the fear of failure. Ask yourself how many things you’d try if you knew you could not fail. Isn’t the thought alone liberating? Now think about how many things you haven’t tried because you knew you could fail. If you wrote down a list for each of the things I asked you to think about, they’d probably mirror one another.

 

For years I said that I was afraid of failure. I wore it as a badge and it drove me to be pretty ambitious when it came to areas like education, home ownership and corporate achievement.  That fear of failure was what motivated me to always pursue more…  or so I thought.

 

Hindsight is a wonderful teacher, even if its timing is lacking. Hindsight has shown me that while I thought fear was my motivator, it was actually a deterrent to my dreams. While I had focused on certain levels of success, there were other would-be goals that I completely avoided. Why? Because if I didn’t venture into unknown territory, there was no way I could fail. What I did not realize was the one thing that mattered:  If you fear failure, you’ve already failed.

 

Yep. I had been spending so much time on reaching certain goals, that I failed to set goals around other things that really mattered to me. Despite my efforts, I still stared fear in the face, although I had done everything I could to dodge it.

 

So often fear of failure manifests itself in over-cautious behavior, perfectionism and even self sabotage. It results from issues like pain of rejection, lack of self-confidence and feelings of inadequacy.

 

As you think about fear, consider these questions:

 

·         Have you ever been presented with an opportunity and shied away from it because you didn’t think you were qualified?

·         Do you remember concentrating so hard on getting a project just right, that you missed the deadline to turn it in?

·         Did you let a potential partnership pass because you were too lazy to follow up?

·         Did you write off a great idea as a daydream because you had no idea where to start on fulfilling it?

·         Did you find out a “virtual mentor”—the kind you follow in cyberspace because they’re doing what you want to do so you—was coming to town, but you made no effort to attend the event because you figured face time was not an option?

 

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I’m sorry to say that you too have succumbed to the fear of failure. Join me as we enter the Realization Room. I would say there’s plenty of room, but that’s not true. It’s crowded in here because we are far from alone. While we’re here, I invite you to do something drastic and redefine failure. Instead of seeing it as a devastating end point, let’s think of it as a growth opportunity. Instead of blowing off that lofty idea, put some research into it, break it down step by step and determine if any part of it is doable.

 

In my commitment to redefining failure, I’m going to do something that I thought was rather silly in the past. My practical nature didn’t really think twice about doing something like getting a vision board. Then I remembered reading this scripture: “Then the LORD answered me, "Write the vision. Make it clear on tablets so that anyone can read it quickly.” (Habakkuk 2:2). After years of having several writing goals that have not seen their full potential, I figure there is no better time than the present to try something new. I’m learning to listen to that voice deep inside that says, “Just try it.”” And try I will. No matter what happens, I won’t have to look back in 20 years and ask, “What if?”

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